What to do When You’re Having a Rough Mental Health Day
A rough mental health day can consist of struggling to get out of bed, chronic ruminating, excessive fatigue, never-ending critical self-talk, body aches and pains, irritability, overwhelming sadness, or all of the above at once.
Between social and racial injustice to the coronavirus pandemic, it’s no secret that times are uncertain and scary. There is a lot to be sad and angry about. Tough mental health days have been a lot more common for me recently and I know I’m not the only one. So what do you do when you’re having a rough mental health day?
Positive Self-Talk
For me, hard mental health days are most often plagued with negative self-talk. I wake up thinking mean thoughts and they continue to cycle through the day. My reoccurring thoughts are pretty much this, “You are worthless and never get anything done. You don’t try hard enough so you’ll never have the life you want or accomplish anything. You use being depressed as an excuse. You’re not capable of having a job you love because you never follow through with anything and you’re a failure.” Damn.
So when those negative thoughts are repeating in my head, the first thing I do is acknowledge them. “I notice that I’m being really mean to myself. These thoughts are not helpful and are actually harming me.” Then I try to flip the script by inserting positive self-talk. For me, positive self-talk looks something like this, “You are worthy regardless of what you get done today. You are always deserving of love. You are enough.” I write it down and I read it over and over again and I revisit it throughout the day. Whenever I notice the negative self-talk happening, I go back to that piece of paper and read it again. I look at myself in the mirror, smile, and say it out loud.
Do One Hard Thing
I have a rule that I’ve been working to make a habit and it’s this: Do one hard thing a day. I make a conscious and active choice as to what that hard thing will be and while I’m doing it I’m also doing major positive self-talk. The goal is to turn the hard thing into a good experience. Sometimes that one hard thing is brushing my teeth or going for a walk to the corner and back. Sometimes that means biking to the grocery store by myself or even doing a 10 mile hike.
Doing one hard thing a day is about challenging myself while also being kind to myself — a gentle push. It is as much a practice of doing things as it is a practice in self-love and compassion. So as I’m brushing my teeth, I’m telling myself, “I’m doing great! Brushing my teeth feels good! Good dental hygiene is good self-care!” I mean really go over the top here; there’s no such thing as overdoing positive self-talk. Sometimes after my teeth are brushed, I feel motivated to do something else and sometimes I don’t. Whatever happens next, I am trying to continue the positive self-talk. It’s taken time but after about 4 weeks of establishing this practice, it’s already starting to become habitual and it gives me another thing to be proud of at the end of the day!
Reference Your Self-Soothe List
When I’m having a bad mental health day, doing one hard thing a day is where I try to start. From there, it’s all about self-care, baby. A few suggestions are:
- listen to upbeat, happy, or calming music
- stretch or yoga
- play and cuddle with your pets
- eat your favorite food
- sit outside
- take a bath or shower
Here’s a pro tip– Make a list when you’re having a good day to help prepare for the hard ones. If you want some more ideas for what to put on your list, check out my post, Self-Soothe Tips.
Practice Mindfulness
Ruminating on the past or worrying about the future always does more harm than good and is often the root cause of a lot of people’s tough mental health days. Take that energy that you’re using to ruminate or worry and channel it into mindfulness practice instead. Mindfulness is all about working to be present and in the moment.
I find that it’s easiest for me to practice mindfulness when I go for a walk. I like to focus specifically on the colors around me and on my breath. I take deep belly breaths as I walk, imagining filling up all of my lungs and lower back with fresh air. I notice all the different colors in the trees, flowers, houses, cars, dirt, everything.
Going for a walk is not the only way to practice mindfulness. You can look around wherever you’re sitting right now and notice 5 different colors you see or 5 sounds you hear. Don’t just notice it and move on. Observe it, take it in, and really let it bring you into the present moment.
Distract
Sometimes you have to acknowledge that today is a crappy day and say that’s okay, I’m going to have a cup of tea or bowl of ice cream, curl up on the couch, and watch some Netflix (and preferably nothing like The Walking Dead). That is my favorite form of what I call “distraction,” though some people may like to cook their favorite meal or draw or read or go for a hike. Whatever your distraction method of choice may be, do it mindfully! Notice the flavor, smell, and texture of the ice cream, hear the music and the voices coming from the screen, feel the soft blanket in your fingers, and take lots of deep breaths.
While distracting, really make a conscious effort to minimize your social media consumption. When I’m feeling down or having a bad day and don’t feel like doing anything, I tend to open Instagram a lot. While sometimes it can be a good escape, I’ve found that social media does more harm than good on bad days. So no matter what you decide to do, leave your phone in the other room and even better if you can put it on silent.
For me, distracting can sometimes be a slippery slope into “I’m a lazy failure who can’t get anything done,” so you must distract with love. When I distract, I make an active choice to do so for a set amount of time. I tell myself that I’m choosing to take this time to practice self-care and thus I am not obligated to do anything I don’t want to do. I am gentle with myself and remind myself throughout the designated time that I am doing this for my mental health and will not allow space for any kind of mean self-talk. Remember, you are not indulging your depression or giving into your bad day but rather, you are taking time to care for your mental health.
Exercise
Before you stop reading, hear me out. To be honest, I debated for a while on whether or not to include exercise because when I search online for ways to help my mental health, I despise resources that list exercise. That’s because when I’m really blue, it’s hard to get motivated to do anything, let alone exercise! But if we’re being completely honest, exercise really is one of the best things we can do for our brains and bad days really do impact the way the brain functions.
If I’m not careful, one bad day can easily turn into several bad days in a row so when it comes to exercise, I often make it my “do one hard thing” and typically find that it’s the boost I need to motivate me to do even more hard things. But when I’m really down and exercise feels extra daunting, I’ll also phone a friend or ask my partner to come with me. So whether it’s a friend, roommate, or significant other, asking for help with accountability when it comes to exercise is often a good place to start.
The number one rule is that you’re not going to beat yourself up over what you didn’t do, you’re going to be proud of yourself for what you did do. If there’s one thing on this list you do, I urge you to have it be exercise. Walk to your mailbox (and while you’re there stop to take a deep breath) and back. If that felt good, walk to the corner and back. Don’t overwhelm yourself with a big exercise goal and don’t overthink it. Put your shoes on and go. And remember, it’s all for your mental health.
Ask For Help
Friends, family, support systems. We have them and now more than ever is the time to reach out. Send them a text: Hey, I’m having a rough day and would really love to chat. Or maybe you don’t feel like talking about it so you say: Hey, I’m feeling really down today and don’t feel like talking about it but could really use some words of encouragement. The person you message might not be available right then but even taking the step to ask for help is something to be proud of. Or maybe that person will show up on your doorstep with your favorite ice cream within the hour!
Asking for help could also look like asking a friend to schedule a (socially distanced) walk or meet up at the park or in the driveway. Tell them you’re struggling to get outside and could really use a buddy and a little push. Identify your needs and ask for help taking care of those needs. You’ve got people in your corner who love you and will show up for you but they won’t know you need help unless you ask.
*main photo is from Boulder Lakes in the Trinity Alps Wilderness- Tsnungwe, Chimariko, New River Shasta, and Northern Wintu territories
One Comment
Anonymous
perfect day for me to read that post! thank you!