Antidepressants: Fighting the Stigma by Actually Talking About Them
I have debated writing about medication as a treatment for depression for the longest time. Even now as I type I am choosing my words and phrasing carefully and cautiously. My biggest concern in covering the topic is that I don’t want to influence anyone’s decision when it comes to whether or not they take it; it’s an immensely complex and personal decision that has no right or wrong answer. With this piece, however, I do hope to help you make a more informed decision. Ultimately, I decided to write about medication for two main reasons: accessibility and the stigma surrounding medication.
The unfortunate reality is that medication is often one of the most accessible options when it comes to treating any kind of mental illness, depression and anxiety included. Our flawed healthcare system was designed to make it easier for people to get pharmaceuticals than any other type of treatment. More often than not, it is easier to get medication than it is therapy, rehabilitation programs, and depression management classes such as dialectical and cognitive behavioral, mindfulness, and meditation classes. By not talking about medication, it excludes those who only have access to medication.
The stigma surrounding taking medication for the treatment of depression is also unfortunate. Some folks need medication in order to function and that is completely okay. You are not flawed or weak or helpless if you take medication. It does not make you a lesser person because you are on medication. In fact, I’d argue the opposite, that despite the stigma you sought help. For that, I believe you are strong and I hope you do, too.
Before I go any further, I’d like to touch on a few things. Number one, I am not a doctor and have no formal education or training in medicine or psychiatry. Number two, my experience with medication has only been for the specific treatment of anxiety and depression. I have only ever been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and don’t believe that my experience with medication for those two illnesses is transferable to any other mental illness, like, for example, bipolar disorder or PTSD. Lastly, for the sake of simplicity, when I use the terms “medication” or “antidepressants” I’m referring to any pharmaceuticals prescribed by a doctor or psychiatrist used to treat depression and anxiety including antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and anti-anxiety meds.
What is Medication?
Let’s get started by talking about what medication is not. Antidepressants are not pills that make you happy. I have heard plenty of folks say “but I don’t want to be dependent on medication to be happy.” And my response to that is always the same: medication doesn’t make you happy, at best, it helps you function.
I’ve found that after taking medication for 3-4 weeks it’s been easier to get out of bed if I’m in a major depressive episode. It does not magically make me feel happy enough to get out of bed. Meds seem to have helped me out of major depressive episodes, but they have never stopped me from feeling slightly to moderately depressed on a day to day basis. Maybe they have helped some folks feel not depressed altogether, but that has not been my personal experience.
Most notably, medication does not cure depression. Antidepressants treat the symptoms of depression but they do not cure it. They do not solve the underlying issues in your brain that cause you to get depressed because scientists still don’t know what causes depression. Therefore, some folks take medication for just a few months or years until they are back on their feet and can function without the meds and some folks will take them for the entire lives.
My History with Antidepressants
I was first prescribed medication for depression when I was 15 years old. I was so depressed that I spent more days missing school than attending. I was in bed crying most days of the week. I was hardly eating and was showering once a week at best. Major depressive episodes like that affect not only the depressed person, but those they live with, too. My mom was missing work because she was worried to leave me alone and my younger sister had to come home every day to the never-ending stress of me being depressed.
It was a long process of trial and error in finding meds that actually made a difference in my depression. The psychiatrist would prescribe me a medication and I’d try it for a few weeks then check back in with the doctor. Depending on factors like side effects and overall effectiveness of the drug, they might up the dosage, add another medication, or take me off it and try a new one. It took months to find a combination of meds that worked well enough to get me out of bed. However, I know folks who started feeling better after just a few weeks on the first medication they ever tried.
My Experience with Side Effects
I have experienced awful side effects from some medications and had no side effects with others. Side effects that I have experienced were dependent on the medication but included weight loss and/or weight gain, nightmares/vivid dreams, night sweats, dizziness, brain fog, extreme fatigue, tingly sensations in my limbs and face, and a numbing of all emotions. I’d also experience “withdrawal symptoms” such as nausea and vomiting when I’d forget to take my meds for a day and for some of the worse medications if I was even an hour or two late in taking my meds. This may sound extreme but most medications I’ve tried, and I’ve tried a lot, I didn’t experience any side effects at all. When severe side effects were experienced, I’d call my doctor and they would normally tell me to stop taking it or to lower the dosage to “wean” me off of the medication. Please note that every person reacts differently to medications so don’t let my personal experience sway your thoughts or decisions.
My Decision for Taking Medication
Since I was a teenager I have been on and off medication depending on how depressed or how well I’m doing. Even when I’ve been doing well I have sometimes stayed on medication. I’ve gone through periods in my life where I thought I’d always be on medication and I’ve gone through periods where I swore I’d never take them again. My mentality now is that I’ll try just about anything to help manage my depression and if that means medication then I’m okay with that. Some folks I know have tried medication or even been on it for years before they decided that it was something they’d never do again. I have friends who have told me they’ll only take medicine that is natural and grows from the earth and I know other folks who only trust medication produced by scientists in a lab. No thinking is right or wrong; it’s solely up to the individual.
I do have to say that personally, medication alone has never solved a deep depression. Famed doctor, professor, and author Bessel van der Kolk has spent his career studying trauma and PTSD. He asserts in his book The Body Keeps the Score that all of his patients have required a combination of talking, whether it be through therapy or with friends, loved ones, and folks who went through similar experiences, body work like exercise and movement that releases feelings resulted from trauma in a visceral way, and medication. This has been my experience with depression as well. Throughout my journey with depression I have come to rely on five main things for treatment and recovery: medication (pharmaceutical or “nontraditional”), therapy (support groups or individual), depression management skills, exercise, and my support system.
This is my biggest frustration with our healthcare system and why I feel major disdain towards pharmaceutical companies. Antidepressants are not meant to cure depression, only to treat the symptoms of depression, and are known to not be the most effective way to treat depression. And yet, our healthcare system, which is influenced by the pharmaceutical companies, has made it the most accessible form of treatment. A lot of folks are depressed because of circumstances; circumstances like financial, food, and/or housing insecurity. And, unfortunately, pharmaceuticals are easier to attain than financial, food, and housing stability. I firmly believe that right there sums up everything that is deeply corrupt with our mental healthcare system and our healthcare system in general. Depression is one of the top illnesses in the country and yet instead of focusing on solving the root causes of depression, our healthcare system and government policies support pharmaceutical companies who continue to make billions of dollars every year off of their drugs that don’t cure depression. What is their incentive to cure depression when they make plenty of money simply relieving some of the symptoms?
The corruption, however, runs much deeper. According to a 2013 Wall Street Journal article cited in Dr. Van Der Kolk’s book, Medicaid (the government health program for low-income households and folks with disabilities) spends more money on antipsychotics (a type of medication often used for the treatment of depression and other mental illnesses) than any other type of drugs. This would be all well and good if they were actually as effective as pharmaceutical companies would have us believing. However, since their release over 30 years ago, medication has become the main form of treatment for depression and yet the number of folks treated for depression since then has tripled (Kolk 37).
I could go on forever about my lack of faith and trust in our healthcare system and pharmaceutical companies but that is only one factor as to why at times I have chosen to not take antidepressants. In the end, my personal belief has been that medication has helped me out of many major depressive episodes and deep depressions and that in itself feels more important than my desire to “stick it to the man.” As I mentioned earlier, that is a deeply personal choice and not everyone agrees with me and that is okay.
Final Thoughts
I’ve always approached treating my depression with the idea that I’ll try anything once, and really put in the effort and time to try it. That goes for medication, too. However, everyone is different and there is no right or wrong way to approach treating depression as long as you try. If you choose to take medication or choose not to, there is no shame in either choice.
If you have any questions regarding medication, any fears or concerns or general thoughts, I will happily discuss it further with you. Because of the fear and apprehension that comes with trying something that is so highly stigmatized, sometimes conversations where you can remain anonymous feel the safest. So please do feel free to reach out to me through the Contact page on my website or in the comment section below.
And lastly, if you get anything from this piece I hope it’s this: you are not weak or unworthy for taking medication. You are not flawed or incapable or broken. You are simply searching for a way to manage your depression and I commend you for it. Trying medication may not be an easy process but the fact that you are trying is worthy enough for celebration. No matter what you decide, remember that you are doing your best and you are always enough.
*Main photo taken at The Needles in Canyonlands National Park, which is Núu-agha-tuvu-pu (Ute) and Pueblos land.
3 Comments
Panela
Well done Chelsea. I admire that you are putting yourself out there to help others.
Anonymous
Also I can’t type obviously. Pamela
Anonymous
Once again your words provide guidance and comfort and I am grateful to you for sharing your knowledge and experience. Thank you Chelsea:)