Vanlife: The Two Things I Would’ve Done Differently

Ahh, yes. The viral lifestyle of vanlife. I did it and I have to confess, it wasn’t all sunsets and endless freedom. While I think many influencers have gotten better at being more transparent about the realities of living on the road, there is one crucial aspect that I think is missing from the vanlife narrative.

Before moving on, I’d like to be clear that this post is only in reference to people who choose a nomadic lifestyle, not those who are forced into it because of job, housing, or financial insecurity.

My partner and I structured our life on the road as a mini retirement. We had a set amount of money in our savings and intended to travel without working until that money was gone or we felt ready to move out of the trailer. 

A mini retirement is a beautiful experience that I wish everyone had the opportunity to do. The feeling of financial security, at least for a little while, partnered with the freedom to do whatever you want with your day and exist without the stress of needing to work is truly a life changing experience. Every day is your own and there is no wrong way to spend it.

Our initial trip got thrown for a loop as we set off in February of 2020. We traveled for about two months before it got too difficult and scary peak pandemic, and came home. We hit the road again in October of 2020, where our adventure really began.

The initial freedom was exhilarating. We were on our own schedule, our travels only dictated by the weather and the people we wanted to see. To call it a dream come true would not be far fetched.

And yet, as a person prone to overthinking and self-sabotage, it wasn’t long before the creeping thoughts came in. I started to feel guilty for enjoying my work-free time while others around me were working. Feelings of shame that I had forgotten about in the hustle of working and building out the trailer resurfaced. The pressure to always be productive, always be bettering myself, and working towards some preconceived idea of a future became overwhelming. Next thing I knew, I was depressed. 

And that is the one crucial aspect that tends to get left out of the vanlife narrative: living life for the sole purpose of enjoyment is not an inherent skill. In fact, this is so true that it is extremely common for newly retired people to get depressed, even if they were unhappy in their previous job. 

As Americans, we are conditioned to believe that a fulfilled life is one where we work hard, make a lot of money, have lots of nice things, and even better if you do it all on your own. At its core, vanlife came about as a rebellion to that very conditioning. It came from surfers who just wanted to surf more. Hikers who just wanted to hike more. And climbers who just wanted to climb more. They didn’t want lots of things. They wanted lots of time. And that’s what initially drew me to pursuing life on the road.

However, I was unprepared for the feelings of shame that came with not working, with not producing. It’s called scarcity, my friends, and most of us suffer from it in one form or another. Either we do not have enough or we are not enough. Some do not have nice enough houses. Some are not good enough parents. Some are not good enough at their job. Some are not good enough to apply for the job. And for some, we are simply not enough. I suffer from the last and it became ever potent as I was trying to live life on my own terms and, in turn, challenge the status quo. 

If I were to do it again, which I very well may, I’d make sure to hit the road when I am in a secure place with myself. No matter who or what was telling me I’m not enough, not doing enough, in my heart of hearts, I know I’m enough. Nobody, not even my subconscious and trauma based thoughts, can convince me that I am not enough. That’d be number one.

Number two would be to set off with the intention of not producing; my only goal would be to learn and enjoy. I learned so much about myself during our year on the road, and I know I only scratched the surface. Being intentional with enjoying life is something that many of us still have to learn. We’ve gotten so caught up in being “productive” and having lots of things, that we’ve lost sight of what actually makes us happy. Happiness is not a state of being that we magically and randomly acquire, it’s an ongoing process and practice. 

So as you reach retirement age, begin your mini-retirement, or make the decision to pursue life on the road, keep this all in mind. Hitting the road is not what makes you happy. It’s keeping in touch with what truly brings you joy and being enough for yourself that will make you happy.