What is Negative Thinking and How to Recognize It
Several years ago I went through a deep depression where I didn’t get out of bed for 2 months. This was one of many major depressive episodes I’d had since I was 13 so my psychiatrist referred me to an outpatient rehabilitation program. It was a program for people with depression and focused on recovery through group therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and exercise. So much of what I learned from rehab I still use today. However, one of the most profound things I learned was not a skill but more a realization that the mean things I had been saying to myself from the time I was a child were not true. Thoughts like: You’re a failure and can’t get anything done. You’ll never accomplish anything because you’re lazy and stupid. You’re worthless.
Yes, I had been learning and internalizing these thoughts since childhood and I believed every single one of them. They have influenced a majority of the choices I’ve made in my life and kept me in a distinct pattern of depression and anxiety. I was 23 when I realized that thoughts like “You are undeserving of love because you are a worthless failure” are not okay! I was 23 when I realized that it was my traumas, depression, and anxiety that had convinced me that I was worthless and undeserving of love and that there were ways to challenge those thoughts and ways to learn to love myself. I feel so fortunate to have made that discovery at 23 (and to have had the resources that helped me make said discovery); there were people in the program who had lived 20, 30, 40 years believing those kinds of thoughts without any intervention.
Types of Negative Thinking or "Cognitive Distortions"
These toxic thoughts and negative thinking patterns, often referred to as “cognitive distortions,” are not only symptoms of anxiety and depression but also help to keep us depressed and anxious. It’s a vicious cycle that most of the time we don’t even realize we’re in. Examples of these distortions are:
Black and White Thinking– Seeing things as either/or, all or nothing. “I either pass this test or I’m a failure.”
Catastrophizing– Believing that the worst case scenario is the only possible outcome or focusing solely on the worst possible outcome and ignoring all the good ones. “They’re late texting me back. They either hate me or got in a car crash.”
Emotional Reasoning– Believing that what you’re feeling is the truth. “I feel lazy therefore I am lazy.”
Mental Filtering– Only remembering the negative and filtering out all the positive.
Should Statements– “I should exercise.” Using “should” is a great way to find reasons to beat yourself up.
Check out this article, What Are Cognitive Distortions and How Can You Change These Thinking Patterns for a list of 10 of the most common cognitive distortions and more comprehensive definitions.
The Problem with Negative Thinking
You might be wondering what’s wrong with negative thinking? We all think negative thoughts from time to time, right? Yes, this is true. Not all negative thinking is bad. It becomes toxic when it becomes distorted, when the thoughts begin defining how you see yourself and controlling how you treat yourself— it is the difference between “I did something dumb” and “I am dumb.” It’s when we start telling ourselves that the mistakes we made make us bad or worthless. It’s when we start basing our self-worth on outside factors instead of the fact that we exist and therefore we are worthy.
Distorted thinking is problematic for several reasons. Number one is that it keeps us trapped in patterns of depression and anxiety. For me, one of the main reasons I get depressed and stay depressed is because of negative thinking. After years and years of dealing with mental health issues, my brain has normalized negative thinking; I don’t need a trigger to start telling myself that I’m unworthy. That thought has been on constant repeat since I was a child and is definitely one of the main driving forces behind my depression. And once the thought or feeling of unworthiness creeps in, it will cycle through my mind and body all day if I’m not paying attention.
Distorted thinking is also exhausting; it wears on us mentally and physically. Negative thoughts will cycle through my head all day and it won’t be until the evening when I feel drained and defeated that I realize I’ve spent the whole day beating myself up. My body feels tired and my mind depleted because it takes energy to uphold those negative thoughts. Distorted thinking keeps us in a constant state of physical and psychological stress and we all know the major impacts stress can have on us.
Negative thinking patterns also affect our actions and decision making process. It took me years to start this blog. Why? Because the distorted thought of “I’m not smart enough and I’m not good enough” had a complete and total hold on me. I 100% believed that I was incapable of carrying out this dream because distorted thinking had told me so. Thoughts like “I already know I’m going to fail” and “I’m not ____ enough” stop us from even attempting. Same goes for focusing only on the bad possible outcomes. Also, shoutout to perfectionism for trying to convince us that an imperfect attempt is worse than any attempt at all.
Tips on How To Identify and Recognize Negative Thinking
Now that we know what negative thinking patterns are and why they’re harmful, let’s talk about how to identify them. The ultimate goal is to get out of the habit of distorted thinking altogether, thus the intermediate goal is to learn how to identify it as soon as it starts. That way you can begin the process of releasing or challenging the thought as opposed to unconsciously letting it sink in and simmer.
In my experience, the best way to get into the habit of identifying negative thoughts is to set an alarm. I set mine for 11 in the morning and 4 in the afternoon. I chose those specific times because I’ve found that it’s right around then that the negative thinking and beating myself up begins to set in. But once a day at your lunch break is also a good place to start. Label your alarm something like “What are you thinking right now? 🌻” or “Time for a self check in! 🦕.” Once your alarm goes off, your check in can be as simple or in-depth as you want. It could be as quick as asking yourself what you’re thinking and how it’s making you feel. You could also take a bit more time to really dive into your thoughts or even do some journaling.
In addition to setting an alarm, you can leave notes around your apartment (or trailer) reminding you to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. Sticky notes saying, “What are you thinking now?” or “Name 5 things that you love about yourself” or “Are you saying nice things to yourself?” are my favorites. I put them in places where I spend enough time for my thoughts to get going like in front of the kitchen sink, above the stove, the bathroom mirror, shower, or the wall facing the toilet.
Another option is to journal or meditate first thing in the morning. This helps you notice what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling before you start your day, allowing you to shift any negative thoughts and energy before your day gets rolling.
You can also take a body up approach, where tension, discomfort, or pain in your body alerts you to negative thinking. I slouch when I’m feeling gloomy and defeated. My stomach has perpetual butterflies when I’m anxious. My shoulders are tight when I’m stressed. I clench my jaw when I’m mentally beating myself up. I check in to those specific parts of my body throughout the day or sometimes I’ll even notice the discomfort without any conscious effort. Once I’m alerted to the discomfort I take a deep breath and then ask myself what I’m thinking and feeling.
Another good practice is to pay extra attention to your thoughts when you’re more stressed overall or when you’re doing something that is stressful. Situational stress is the perfect trigger for negative thinking and also creates the perfect mental environment for negative thinking to flourish. Making commitments to see other people always causes me stress, even though I know spending time with loved ones is great for my mental health. As soon as talk of making plans starts, my mind immediately begins listing all the ways for me to bail. Because this is something I know about myself, when I start making plans with friends I know to pay extra attention to those thoughts.
A Few Reminders
- It’s important to remember to pay attention to your thoughts without judgment. The last thing you want to do is tell yourself that you’re a failure for being mean to yourself!
- In fact, take it a step further and notice your thoughts with love and compassion. You are trying to learn a new skill to maintain and improve your mental health so it’s vital that you are kind to yourself during the process.
- Don’t give up. Learning new skills (of any kind) is a process and maintaining mental health is a life long practice. And the journey is not linear— some days will be harder than others but that’s why you’ve got to stick with it.
- Practice extra on days that you’re feeling good and don’t wait to practice only on bad days. Practice makes habit so use the energy from good days to move your practice forward and to help retain it.
As always, remember that you’re doing your best and you are enough. You are loved and you are worthy. You are not alone.
*Main photo is of the Kalalau Trail on Kauai. It is on stolen and unceded Kanaka ‘Ōiwi land.
2 Comments
Pamela Johnson Minniear
Thank you Chelsea! I go through a lot of negative self-talk when I design and write knitting patterns. I fall into the assumptions of imposter syndrome. Nice to review the tools you use.
feng
Hi Chelsea, this is very good stuff. Recently marla and I read a few chapters in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Made Simple. There is a chapter mostly talking about identifying our (automatic) thinking errors that we don’t notice. I think this is very useful for everyone and we all have mistakes in how we think and get stuck inside our own lies. Hope you are well and hopefully see yall soon!